Glitz & Grammar

Life and Times of a Wannabe Writer


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Bad Photography with Jessica Farkas

You guys. You’re never going to believe this, but there is a wetlands park in Las Vegas. I’m not even shitting you; this is a real place. It’s got rocky streams with miniature waterfalls, peaceful ponds where fish jump and birds bathe, and miles and miles of vegetation that didn’t have to be flown in via helicopter. Also, I’m 90% sure I heard a bear cub in there.

Anywho, my ex-BF/current-BFF had to scope this place out as a potential location for his next short film. I decided to tag along and take some crappy photos. This one ended up being the least crappy:

Woah…what’s with the lens flare, J.J. Abrams?!

You’ll notice I don’t really know what the hell I’m doing when it comes to photography, but that’s okay. I’ve just always loved snapping pix. I thought the bugs looked super sweet in this pic, which is sort of misleading because in real life they are obnoxious as fuck. I came home with ten million bites, one of which ended up swelling and turning my entire bicep fire engine red. Instead of going to the doctor I went to webmd.com and it turns out I have incurable cancer, not bug bites. So I’ll let you know how that goes.

Do you know of any other secret oases like this one in the Las Vegas area?


5 Comments

Shalom Y’all

Welcome to G&G. G&G is the super cute acronym I came up with for my blog, Glitz & Grammar, which is a cute play on words, particularly on the phrase, “Glitz and Glamour.” You’ll notice in that last sentence, the one containing four commas, that grammar’s not really my thing. So what’s with the title you ask? It’s super fucking cute. That’s what.

So here’s the deal: I’ve been blogging for an audience made up of my mom and my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. I also write a film column over at Wildflower Magazine, which makes me feel like I’m better at life than I probably really am.

The purpose of G&G, though, is to create a place on the internet that is entirely my own – a place where I am free to spew the projective verbal vomit that is constantly getting me in trouble everywhere else in the world. Because what’s life without a safe place for word-barf? You know what I mean?

I don’t know that G&G will be up everyone’s alley. In fact, I wouldn’t be all that shocked if it’s up nobody’s alley. That’s okay – my mom will still read it. The point is, I want a place to write every day because if there is one thing I love in this world, it’s writing. I actually probably wont write every day. Or even close to it. So I guess that part of the previous statement is kind of bullshit. But I did just empty my checking account to purchase this domain/blog title (tell me it’s cute) so I’d better at least get some use out of it. What’s that? It only costs $17 a year to purchase a custom domain through WordPress? Yeah. I know that.

Anyway, I’m going to aim to update once a week-ish. Most people like to aim high, but I prefer to hold expectations of myself pretty low. That way if I accomplish anything I’m just like, “NICE!” And if I actually exceed my expectations I’m just like, “ffffffffuckkkking MIND BLOWERRR!” Those are way better feelings than creating all these semi-realistic goals for myself that I’ll probably never attain because when it comes down to it, I’m kind of lazy. Plus I work three jobs and hardly have time to keep my hygiene in check let alone update some stupid blog every day. So let’s just go for once a week, is that cool?

Do you want to know what to expect from G&G? Okay. Here are some things you might see on my blog:

  • Ramblings about my shortcomings as a human being;
  • Ramblings about the shortcomings of other people as human beings;
  • Reviews (on music, on restaurants, on tequilas, etc.);
  • Snippets of my screenplays. I’ve got about 7 in the works;
  • Excerpts from my novels. I’ve got about 27 in the works;
  • Relationship and dating advice from a 26-year-old who has only had two boyfriends. Ever;
  • My attempts/failures at acquiring a sense of fashion;
  • The things I would do to Kevin Spacey if he would let me;
  • Top ten lists. Man, I love top ten lists!;
  • Samples of my bad photography;
  • Internal debates with myself centering around topics like, “Should I name my future cat Yoshi or Dr. Gonzo?; and, as my tagline might suggest,
  • First person accounts of my life and times as a wannabe writer.

Here are some things you shouldn’t expect to see on my blog:

  • Super intense opinion pieces on my political and religious beliefs. Everyone on this side of Lake Mead knows I’m a non-theist hippie liberal. But you aint gotta be one to kick it;
  • Some great new recipe I conjured up. Get real;
  • Thought provoking discussion about a book I just read. I read novels written primarily for adolescent males. My favorite authors include Tom Robbins, Dave Eggers, Hunter S. Thompson and Tim Sandlin, in case you were wondering.
  • Samples of my good photography;
  • Philosophical revelations about the meaning of life. I’ve got no fucking clue, dude.

Finally, I thought I’d just share a few fun facts about me because everyone likes talking about themselves and I’m no exception:

  • When I was 11, I moved from the Bay Area to a town where cow tipping and bunny bashing were acceptable and common pastimes for children my age;
  • I was a vegetarian for like five years, but now there’s nothing I like better than a big piece of meat in my mouth;
  • The happiest I’ve ever felt was sitting under a waterfall in Africa;
  • When I was in kindergarten I asked my teacher what happened to all the girl presidents;
  • I laugh when I’m scared;
  • Sub sandwiches make up 97% of my diet; and
  • I fall in love with 97% of the people I meet on a day-to-day basis.

If this blog sounds like something you can dig, stick around, click that little orange RSS button and subscribe! If you think I sound like a douchebag and don’t want anything to do with me or my blog, well that’s pretty harsh. But it’s cool. Because my mom thinks you’re an asshole and probably wouldn’t want me hanging out with you anyway.

So that’s it, peeps. I really hope you’ll stop by every now and then. I actually look very forward to puking all over your computer monitors.

Peace and love,
Jess

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