Glitz & Grammar

Life and Times of a Wannabe Writer


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James Franco is not a tool, but this guy is

For the most part, I love pretty much everyone I meet. I’m sort of naïve in general, which is both a blessing and a curse. If you even believe in things like blessings and curses, which I don’t. But I still like to use the expression because I can never think of one that means the same thing. So anyway, I’m like this totally naïve and mostly oblivious human being who thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to start unprompted and often unwelcome conversations with random peeps because, quite frankly, she was never really taught you shouldn’t talk to strangers. PS: this character trait is exponentially more prominent when I’m drunk.

Anyway, that was all a really long and somewhat irrelevant introduction because this is actually going to be a post about someone I think is kind of a tool.

To get straight to the point, I’m just going to insert a screenshot of a recent Facebook blabbering I had with said tool. See if you can pick him out. (Please notice I’ve blacked out names in an attempt to trick people into thinking I have at least an inkling of decency.)

Does this not boggle your mind?! I wasn’t kidding about the fact that I only know this guy because when I was 16 I got drunk for the first time at his house. Since that day ten years ago, I’ve encountered him like, maybe three times. And then WHAMMA! This shit!

I just can’t imagine what could have possibly happened to give this dude such disdain for James Franco. Like all I could think was, “Geez, did James Franco bang this dude’s wife or something?” But then I was like, “No way! James Franco would never pull such a dicked move.” Because if you know anything about James Franco, you know he’s a super cool and moral dude. (And smart, and talented, and sexy, yadi yada.)

Second and foremost, where the fuck does this guy come off saying James Franco’s smile is anything less than beautiful? That’s simply not true! In fact, I’d go so far as to say James Franco has one of the best smiles I’ve ever seen in my life. And I’ve seen a lot of great smiles in my life!

Sorry I keep getting so worked up about this, but seriously. If there’s one thing in this world I love more than Kevin Spacey (and writing), it’s a Gosh damn JAMES FRANCO!

So listen here, Mr. Name-Blacked-Out-For-The-Sake-Of-Bullshit-Decency. Listen here real closely. You can take your stupid “Fagko” and halitosis comments and shove them right up your stupid butt!

I hope your baby pukes and diarrheas all over your house tonight.

Peace and love,
Jess

Oh and on a side note, have you guys ever realized how no matter what you are doing, it’s the most epic thing in the world if that song Bittersweet Symphony comes on while doing it?

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